The sandwich generation is stuck between two roles: parent to their young children and caregiver to aging parents. More than 2.5 million Americans find themselves in this role, balancing caregiving and childcare usually while holding down a job.¹

Caregiving itself is stressful and combining both roles adds additional strain. The sandwich generation reports both increased financial and emotional difficulty compared to peers who are only caregivers for their aging parents.¹

You’re juggling both parent-teacher conferences and doctor appointments. Trying to do everything for everyone can quickly lead to burnout. Here are some tips to help you manage sandwich generation stress. 

Not communicating is a major cause of stress. Talk about both your and your parents’ expectations. They might think you are doing one thing whereas your plans could be entirely different. When you are all on the same page it will help prevent conflict.

When you decide to step into the role of caregiver, take the time to have a conversation with your parents.

Here are some questions you might ask:

1.      What are your expectations?

2.      What do you want to do on your own?

3.      Where do you need specific help?

4.      When should we seek additional care?

Don’t make the mistake of trying to do everything alone. Rely on your support system, which may include friends, family members, and hired help. Ask your friends and family to see who is willing to help.

If you need to look outside of your social circle, there are many services available specifically for seniors and caregivers. 

• Home Health: A variety of services fall under the home health umbrella. That can include nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech-language pathologists, social workers, and home health aides.

• Visitor and Companion Services: There are many volunteer organizations focused on providing these services. Check with senior centers or local governments to connect with nearby organizations that are willing to help.²

• Meal Delivery: If your parent still loves to cook but grocery shopping is a hassle, you can use meal delivery subscription services like Blue Apron or HelloFresh. If you’re looking for prepared meals, organizations like Meals on Wheels help feed seniors in their community.  

• Pet Sitters and Dog Walkers: While Fido will always be part of the family, you may want to hire someone for the extra work involved. That could include pet sitters, doggy daycare, and dog walkers.  

• Transportation: There are organizations that help with transportation for seniors including www.transit.dot.gov, www.eldercare.acl.gov and www.211.org. 

Your support system isn’t just for helping with your parents! Ask for help with your children as well. If they’re involved with sports or clubs, see if they can catch a ride with their friends. If your children can drive and are looking for part-time work, see if they can help with pet-sitting or grocery delivery. It’ll allow them to earn some spending money and spend time with their grandparents. 

When you’re juggling multiple jobs, it’s important to stay organized. This is where a shared calendar for yourself, your kids, your parents, and any other caregivers can help. There are several calendar options, including Google Calendar, Cozi, CaringBridge and more.

Make a list of what’s important to each member of your family. This will help you prioritize what’s most important. For your children that might be a sporting event or academic competition. Mark those in your calendars in permanent ink. Unless it’s an emergency, make sure you show up to your children’s most important events. They’ll be more understanding if missing their milestones is a rarity and not a normal occurrence. 

Many caregivers neglect their own health and wellbeing, which can lead to burnout.³ Even if you feel overwhelmed with your duties, take time for your own preventive health appointments and well-being. That includes eating three well-balanced meals a day and getting enough sleep.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, focus on self-care. Schedule coffee with your friends, set aside time for your hobbies, practice yoga, or visit a spa. Here are some ideas to help you get started with self-care.

If the stress becomes too much, know when it’s time to take a break. Consider respite care, which is short-term care specifically for caregivers when they need time to travel, rest or take care of non-caregiving responsibilities.

You may decide to take a leave of absence from your job. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) offers job-protected leave. To learn more about how the FMLA applies to eldercare, visit https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/28C-fmla-eldercare. 

Caregiving is difficult, especially if you’re managing both children and aging parents, but that doesn’t mean you need to experience burnout. Stress is expected with any major life change but can be managed. Creating a plan, leaning on your support system, prioritizing your well-being, and resting when needed can help you handle sandwich generation stress.

Sources:

1. "‘Sandwich Generation’ Study Shows Challenges of Caring for Both Kids and Aging Parents." University of Michigan, Dec. 2022, https://medicine.umich.edu/dept/psychiatry/news/archive/202212/%E2%80%9Csandwich-generation%E2%80%9D-study-shows-challenges-caring-both-kids-aging-parents.
2. National Institute on Aging. "Caregiving: Services for Older Adults Living at Home." National Institutes of Health, https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/services-older-adults-living-home.
3. "When Caregivers Need Care." American Psychological Association, Jan. 2020, https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2020/01/caregivers-care.